Men: Why Do They Act Like That?

Maybe it is just me, but I seem to take half of what my boyfriend says the wrong way. It's not exactly what he says, it's what he doesn't say. Exhibit A: I talk for about 25 minutes straight to him about how stressed I am and how much I have to do. He replies by telling me how much he has to do. That does not make me feel any better! To me, that means he doesn't care what I say and that my remarks are pathetic. When I confront him about it, he tells me that is not what he means at all. He always points out to me a very interesting and truthful fact: women communicate to gain intimacy and men communicate to gain status. For him, telling me how much he has to do is lowering himself and telling me about how much worse he has it so I will feel better.

This leads me to many very interesting thoughts. Women have many close friends who they share everything with. Men, however, may have a few close friends but when it comes to the sappy emotional stuff, they're out. Women are not afraid for other women to see them in times of weakness. However, men are completely opposite. They need to be "strong" and can't show off their weaknesses to anyone. When is the last time you really sat down with a guy and tried to talk about feelings? Unless you have a very close relationship, good luck ladies.

Dr. Deborah Tannen wrote a book called "You Just Don't Understand:Women and Men in Conversation." After reading an interview with her in a New York Times article, Tannen brings up a lot of interesting points as well. She says that girls and boys virtually grow up in two different communication worlds. When girls are little, they are having tea parties and sharing their secrets with other girls. When boys are young, a leader emerges in the group and competition arises.

Another example Tannen gave in the article was what occurs when men and women return home from work. She said when women reach home, all they want to do is talk about the good, the bad and the ugly from their day. In contrast, men get home from work and don't want to talk at all about their day. For them, they see home as a place of relaxation and a way to escape from work.

This made me laugh because I always find myself in this situation. When I ask my boyfriend how his day was, I usually get a "Eh, it was OK." When he asks me the same question, you bet he is going to get a long, detailed description of everything that happened. Moral of the story, be aware that men communicate differently than women do and vice versa. It will clear up a lot of confusion and save you a lot of time trying to figure out the opposite sex.

To read the New York Times Interview with Dr. Deborah Tannen, please visit the following website.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9D0CE2DB1430F93AA25755C0A967958260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=1
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